Life. Sometimes it gets hard, sometimes it gets even harder. And here comes depression…
Unfortunately to some of us, the only solution we see to ease the pain is taking our own life. The signs are not always seen by friends and family and sometimes it is too late to help.
Having gone through it and thank God he survived to tell, OGCuicide has decided to make it his journey to educated the people about how you can see the sun after the rainy days.
Ladies and gentlemen: OGCuicide
1- First of all, thank you for helping us understand depression and suicide. Can you tell us what happened that made you have a depression?
My life starts off with me and my older brother being abandoned in an apartment for many days until social services and the authorities entered the apartment and took us both. We was separated and placed in different foster homes. His mother went through the steps and got my older brother back. I don’t call her my mother because she never came back and got me so the foster home I was in Mrs price ended up adopting me and loving me like her own son. Growing up in Compton you live a street life so I was Gang Banging and bringing drama to the house and I was 16 at the time and Mrs Price’s daughters ended up kicking me out. So the streets is where I lived homeless slanging dope, robbing, stealing… Whatever to survive in these streets.
2- At what point did it became unbearable for you to the point where you started having suicidal thoughts?
When I was actually kicked out the house at 16 from there on I was depressed based off my past life. And the older I got it seems like the worst it got. I was 22. Today I felt like there was no reason for me in life.
3- Can you walk us through that day where you decided to take your own life?
It was December 31, 1991. I woke up that day and I woke up angry, mad at the world, mad at myself and didn’t know why. I kept having flashbacks of me sleeping in cars, living in the rain and just my whole lifestyle send gotten to me. I remember pulling a gun out and I click the hammer back. My little homies asked me what was I doing and I replied to them I can’t carry on like this, that I don’t wanna live anymore. They replied « what are you doing? what are you doing big Homie? » Then I put the gun to my temple and I pulled the trigger. I remember it got so bright, my eyes wasn’t able to take the light and moments later it got dark and I blacked out.
4- What made you realized you made a mistake and should fight life?
I don’t really consider it a mistake because I have no regrets in life. Everything I went through made me who I am today and I never knew that God had plans for me in the future and used me as an example. He spared my life for a reason and that reason was to be a Messenger for Him to show people never give up.
5- The road to recovery. How did you get help?
After the incident they have me seeing a psychiatrist and was giving me a medication called Sinequan. This particular medication make me feel worse than I already was feeling and felt the day I attempted suicide. So I stopped taking the medication and started to feel better. I was still homeless at the time and since 1987 I’ve always done music so I contacted a good friend of mine name Lee who did Beats and I told him I was going to start writing music about my life. He gave me some beats on cassette tapes to write to and I started writing about my life and the music that I was writing was real life: self experienced, emotions, blood, sweat and tears. It became my medication my recovery. It gave me hope not just for me but also to share my life. To give out hope.
6- Do you believe that us Black people are afraid to express to our love ones that we need help?
Yes. In no way it’s an embarrassment to share you need help, especially when you don’t know who to share it with there is some pet care. But for the most part there are those who don’t care and look at people as a joke. Like myself for instance. I was a heavy gang Banger so for me to come to one of the big Homies and say I’m considering suicide I felt he would have laughed at me. Feeling this way will keep you depressed and you will keep all the feelings bottling up.
7- Your music is very powerful and speak a strong message. How do you want the people to receive the message in it?
When people listen to my music however they are feeling if they’re depressed and stressed out I really want them to listen to my music and see I’ve walked in their shoes. If I haven’t walked in the exact shoes I most definitely have walked in similar shoes and I want them to listen to my music and see that there is hope, that life gets better. No-one never really knows when life will get better. It’s almost like playing the lottery, no one will ever know when they’re going to hit it big but when they do it’s amazing and the feeling is priceless that is the same way life goes. You maybe going through something today but you never know what tomorrow brings. Tomorrow brings better days. You don’t want to give up because you do not want to miss out on greatness and seeing stress leave your life and you feel better about life
8- If people want to get more familiar with your journey and your music at the same time, How do they get at you?
Anyone that would like to know more about me follow me on Instagram @OGCUICIDE my direct phone number is on my page. So just push call or you can even DM me.
We would like to thank OGCUICIDE for this amazing interview. It is important for the people to know that there is help out there and that life gets hard but the road to be smiling again can be reached with the proper help and surroundings.